How can you make the second half of life happier and more purposeful? Social scientist Arthur C. Brooks describes how to do that in his book From Strength to Strength. He talks about jumping from the first curve of life onto the second curve of life where you develop relationships and start a spiritual path. “[Y]our second curve exists, you can get on it, and you will be very happy you did.”
For “strivers” it can be hard to stop working so much because they enjoy the financial rewards and prestige. In middle age, strivers may begin to find success harder, the rewards less satisfying, and relationships suffering.
The typical response of a striver is to double down their work efforts. If you are a workaholic, no amount of advice about making friends will help. “You will never have the time or energy left for close relationships. You need to address the workaholism problem before anything else.” If that describes you, he suggests reapportioning time and using it to establish or reestablish friendships and family life.
Adaptive Coping
We know how important relationships are. Once you have them, you want to be able to keep them. It is important to find a way of coping with life that does not push love and friends away.
An adaptive coping style “means confronting problems directly, appraising them honestly, and dealing with them directly without excessive rumination, unhealthy emotional reactions, or avoidance behavior.”
For many, it is hard to confront problems head-on, but that is part of adaptive coping. Instead of worrying or avoiding, talking directly about what is going on can help with understanding and possible solutions.
This could mean talking with loved ones about feelings, health changes, or caregiver stress rather than keeping these emotions bottled up.
I’ve heard many heartbreaking stories that might have been avoided if relationships had been stronger. For example, a spouse dies, leading to loneliness, which in turn leads to being taken advantage of by predators. Loneliness is a huge factor in becoming a victim of financial exploitation. It’s also bad for physical and mental health.
If you are an adult child or grandchild, reach out and connect. I see such joy in my clients when they talk about their time with children and grandchildren. I also see great pain when there is estrangement. Take the time to make and deepen your relationships.
The Joy of the Second Curve
Arthur C. Brooks says that our greatest gift later in life is wisdom, in which learning and thought create a worldview that can enrich others. He calls this crystallized intelligence.
Our natural ability at this point is mentoring, advising, and teaching others. He says to devote the back half of your life to serving others and sharing wisdom. “Get old sharing the things you think are most important. Excellence is always its own reward, and this is how you can be most excellent as you age.”
I decided to start the blog My Life Chapters as a way to share wisdom from my years of practicing law. Please enjoy, and I plan to enjoy writing and sharing!