Redefining Success
You can reassess what truly matters to you. In his book, The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life, David Brooks explores what it means to live a meaningful life. He contrasts two moral worldviews. The first mountain is where people may be productive but are only lightly attached to each other. The second mountain is of substance and engages the whole person: head, hands, heart, and soul. Relations are key to the moral life, finding our ability to care, and then spreading outward in commitment to others.
How will you define success? In youth and early adulthood, success is often measured by external markers: job titles, income, possessions, and public recognition. David Brooks calls this the Instagram Life. In a survey of Millennials who were asked about their most important goals, more than half said being rich and famous. But Dr. Waldinger says that after going over thousands and thousands of pages of data, that just didn’t hold out. The power of relationships is what came through.
As we accumulate life experiences, this external validation can start to feel hollow. Instead of looking outward, many individuals begin to redefine success, such as self- acceptance, personal growth, relationships, and contribution to others’ lives. This transition can lead to more purpose and happiness.
Strategies for Cultivating Relationships
Building and sustaining meaningful relationships in later life requires effort. Here are some strategies that can help:
- Rekindle Old Friendships: Reach out to friends from the past. A simple phone call or message may reignite the connection.
- Join Clubs or Groups: Consider joining clubs, hobby groups, or community organizations that interest you. Perhaps you might like a gardening club, book club, or investment group. This introduces you to like-minded people in a structured setting where friendships might form.
- Volunteer: Engaging in community service or volunteer work is a fulfilling way to meet new people while giving back.
- Schedule Regular Get-Togethers: Establish a routine for get-togethers with friends or family members. Whether it’s a monthly lunch, a weekly coffee date, or a game night, regular interaction helps maintain bonds.
- Leverage Technology: In person is the best, but you can still share pictures, updates, and experiences to keep the connection open. Practice Active Listening: Practice active listening when others speak, validating their feelings, and responding thoughtfully. Good communication is at the heart of sustaining good relations.
- Sign Up For Classes: Sign up for classes that interest you, like a new language, an art class, a history class. You expand your knowledge and the social interactions that come with group learning may lead to friendships.
- Create Your Own Group: One client started his own group of people who were grieving. The group offered support during challenging times, and they got together once a month for fun and a celebration of life.
During my thirty years as an elder law attorney, I’ve had the joy of working with many people and then their children. As I met people who had successful careers, I noticed that even the most driven eventually shifted their focus. And they looked a lot more peaceful and happier for having done so. One said, “There is another way to live life.”