The question of how to live life is central across time, culture, and religion. How do we handle life’s challenges? How do we conduct ourselves? And, the biggest question is, how do we best prepare for the end of our life?
As an elder law attorney for thirty years, I’ve worked with many people at the end of their lives. I’ve seen and heard from those who handled challenges well, and they’ve shared what has worked for them. This article talks about these lessons to help make end-of-life planning less stressful.
Getting Prepared
Life’s challenges are inevitable, and it is our response to these challenges that define our character and, ultimately, our happiness.
We can’t control the fact that death is inevitable or how our loved ones feel about it. But we can take steps to prepare, both practical and emotional.
On the practical side, that means taking the steps to get your affairs in order. A key aspect of end-of-life planning is ensuring your healthcare preferences are known and respected. Take the time to execute advance directives. Discuss advance directives with trusted family members or healthcare professionals. This relieves the burden on your loved ones during emotional times and helps you make choices aligned with your values.
Get your estate plan in order and consider leaving a legacy letter. Consider what values you want to pass on when your journey concludes. You can document your values and stories through a personal letter, or a legacy letter. This document serves as a reminder of what is truly important to you and acts as a compass in navigating your daily life.
This can also include getting all the necessary details, including information on digital assets, all in one place. I wrote my book, “My Last Gift: An Essential End-of-Life Planner,” https://amzn.to/3xkWXVK for just this purpose: as a place to put all the information needed for your loved ones to reduce stress.
On the emotional side, it means addressing our emotions surrounding death. We can begin to process feelings of grief, fear of death, and uncertainty.
Taking time to think about your legacy is one way to address the emotional issues and, in turn, make your practical plan more solid. Questions to ponder can include: What legacy do I wish to leave behind? Have I lived in accordance with my values? How do I want my estate planning to reflect my beliefs?
When it comes to planning for the end of life, we can express our values, share our wishes, and make sure everything is in place. This can bring peace of mind to everyone involved.
Deeper Conversations
By contemplating what life would be like without certain people or experiences, we can have more appreciation for what we currently have. We can also begin to make plans for our next chapter.
My Mom was my best friend and we spent every Sunday together. When she ended up in the hospital, it really hit me that one day she’d be gone. It was hard to think about that and I wanted to pretend that would never happen. I began to think of how life would be with her gone, and that picture felt lonely and with less meaning. As a result, I decided to start a family, which has been among the best blessings of life.
My Mom and I used that opportunity to begin having even deeper conversations. She talked about the way she hoped to be remembered. I’ll treasure the words my Mom said, especially those conversations in those months when she knew she was dying. Those words bring me comfort and guidance. These conversations can truly be a gift to those we care about.
Being Fully Present
Knowing life is short can help you be more present now. Engage fully in conversations, appreciate the beauty around you, and savor experiences without distraction.
There are many methods in our modern life providing guidance on how to be more fully present, such as reflection, mindfulness, gratitude, and living with intention.
For me, this shows up each night as I put the kids to bed. I am tired and ready for some time alone. Yet I know these days are precious and will be gone way too soon. I take a deep breath and stay focused on the preciousness of reading a bedtime story. A tender kiss good night. When I can stay fully present, it is a thing of beauty.
When we remind ourselves that life is short, we can prioritize what truly matters—our relationships, experiences, and personal growth. This enriches daily life.
Practical Steps to Embrace Acceptance
Engage in Reflective Journaling: Start a journal where you regularly express your thoughts. Reflect on your fears, hopes, and the legacies you wish to leave. Writing can help clarify your thoughts and provide a safe space for exploration.
Practice Meditation: Through meditation, you can develop an awareness of the present moment. Techniques such as focusing on your breath or engaging in loving-kindness meditation can help develop a sense of acceptance and gratitude for the life you live.
Volunteer or Support Others: Get involved in your community. Consider organizations focused on end-of-life care, grief support, or hospice work.
Reflect on Life’s Lessons: Regularly engage in self-reflection. Identify key experiences that have shaped your values and beliefs about life and death. Acknowledging the lessons learned can provide clarity about what truly matters to you.
Build Strong Relationships: Invest time in building and nurturing relationships with family and friends. The bonds we build can provide emotional support as we confront our mortality.
Practice Mindfulness and Presence: Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can help you be more present. Regular meditation or mindfulness exercises can help you reduce anxiety about the future and regrets about the past. Techniques such as meditation or simply taking a few moments to breathe deeply can ground you in the present moment.
Practice Gratitude: Practicing gratitude regularly can deepen your acceptance of life’s transience. By acknowledging the joys and blessings of life, you can cultivate a mindset that appreciates life rather than fearing its end.
Setting Intentions: Start each day by setting an intention aligned with your core values. This can help you live with greater purpose.
Onward and Upward
When I’d go through a challenge or loss, and was feeling down, my Mom would say “onward and upward.” And the way she said it helped me feel so loved. What we say and do makes a difference.
We can think on the positive effect we’ve had on the lives of those around us, the relationships we’ve built, the wisdom we’ve shared, and the kindness we’ve shown.
Take thoughtful steps to get your end-of-life plan in place. Then enjoy the precious moments.